Growing up

Sometimes when I'm alone, I think of the past, the present, and the future. And it's so soon that we are gonna start working. Let's just give it another 2 or 3 more years. But somehow I just don't feel like growing up. Am I too selfish? Irresponsible? I don't know. I guess I'm still stuck with my superman and power rangers. I'm too old for this? I don't know.

Maybe somebody will say, well, it's still long more to go in your life. But trust me, *snap* and it's 5 years. I've been here for 4 years and it's real fast that I sometimes couldn't even catch up with it. 6 more months and I'm gonna stand on a foreign land. To observe the culture, the people, the places. Will I be the "real me" when I'm there? Where I'm not gonna put on a mask anymore and be who I really am? Or will I discover the real me? What God has plan for me? I'm looking forward for that answer.

The wall above me is so high, the way ahead of me is unclear. All I know is that I've got no strength to carry it alone but to trust in Him so that He'll hold me when I fall and tell me "it's ok son". Church leader told us that we have to keep a journal to look back what God has done for us and what He has prophesized. Yeah. When I think back of it, I felt so sorry for myself, somehow, along with the disappointment.


There was once this period, should I say the lowest time in my life, that no one would know or feel of, where everything seemed so hopeless, helpless. And I seek for His answers, what will He have for me. God, where are you? And I'm so thankful that He answers me, pastor prayed for me, saying that I can walk through the fire ahead of me, that He will see me through.

Yes, fire. How are you going to cross the fire? But He sees that and indeed has led me across the fire. Now that I'm across the fire, I should look back every time and felt grateful that I'm no longer there. But we people are like this, in the most difficult times only we seek His face. What my friend said is true, "People move on, people change, but God will be faithful till the end."

1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us."