Thursday, March 26, 2009

Empty

For the first time in many days, I felt so empty tonight. Empty is not alone. It's just that I've got nothing to do. Exam is coming. Yes I know. I've finished all my Calculus homework early on, studied pages of stuffs about Judaism. And it's still early now. Maybe a little physics and a dvd to end up my day later on.

My brain is empty. Sometimes I feel that I have a big head but the brain is not big enough. Whenever I go for a test I feel so unprepared and empty but surprisingly the result came out was still acceptable. 2 more weeks to finals! And I've go to plan for holidays. First mission is to run on treadmill for at least 30 minutes for at least 10 days. I'm gaining weight, 62.4kg, which is good. Target for this year is 70kg! LOL.

What else? Go for vacation? Watch tons of movies! Play games like Bioshock or Left4Dead(since I'm upgrading my graphic card and hope it works)! And decide my major, the university, and the departure. SIGH. Good thing is that I'm taking only 3 subjects next semester. Calculus III, Physics II and English102 OR AmericanPolitics101.

Some of them are leaving on January. Plan to have a farewell dinner somewhere in the end of the year. It's already in my mind, the dinner, the venue, just that it's never mention yet. Well, people always leave. Friends come and go, only the best one stays with you forever.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Back on track

It feels so good to have my laptop back. It was completely crushed and I paid RM90 to fix it. Supposedly it should be OK back then on Sunday night but sadly it's not. He needs to repair and fix it for 3 days! LOL.

I sent my desktop to repair as well. Found out that my graphic card is not working anymore. The fan is not running anymore. And it comes to an end for my GeForce7300GT! It's time for an upgrade!

Guess what? I just found out that my ART midterm is actually 20%. I thought it was 10%. SIGH. I lost 8% of it already but I don't really care. Still feel that I can get an A. :)

And I'm loving calculus at the moment. Weekend was great. Thanks to KEE! Need to buy him Starbucks already. LOL. He taught me Chapter 11 which I was completely had no idea what's going on before that(which caused me to get 0 in question 2). At least I could do the quiz on Monday. At least I still have hope. B- is possible. :)

Gotta study for the sake of getting A+ for REL200. Currently lost 4% already. There's still hope! I think.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Feelings

I feel that I can do it. I don't know. Ryan asked me to sleep. Tomorrow I'll be having REL200 extra class. But sleeping is not a way. It's not a solution that I need in this moment. I did that in the afternoon. But it was nothing. It's still something like a drunkard tries to forget all his problems by taking alcohol but still it doesn't work as he wakes up the next day, the problem is still there. I'm tired. Tired of making decisions. Kahwei is dropping. Khaivenn is dropping as well. Ryan is not dropping. Thingyan is not dropping. Suting doesn't know what to do. And I hope I'll get my answer by this weekend.

I came out with a solution. I'll work my ass off this weekend. Thanks to KEE who's willing to take out his Saturday night and teach me. I hope I can learn some, as a preparation for my calculus quiz on Monday, which is also the last drop day for subjects before 12. But you know what? I don't have time! I got ART105 test at 10-12! How to pass up the form?

I never believe that I'm stupid. Somehow I just improved in my Physics and Calculus test. The word "Miracles" comes to my mind. Everything seems to be impossible now. I know there is still only one way. God. "Jesus told his disciples, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6) "

It's so unfair that when the problem arises only the word GOD comes to mind. I have failed Him over and over again. Anyway, I just got back from college cell a moment ago. Which I have been absent for God knows how long. I expected something and some answers. I got some. And I still need it. The assurance from God. I'll have my decision latest by Sunday night.

For some people, it might sound nonsense with all the God stuffs. At least that's what I learn from REL200. But what makes the Bible so powerful that it's the all time best selling book in the world. Not just of it thousands years of history, but it is written with the inspiration and words of God. Sometimes by reading the Bible, can get you some answer. Because Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God. He can't turn your test paper into 100 marks even if you pass it up empty. But He can show you the answers that you need in your life in the Bible.

I read a book and I found this quote:

" every minute you are upset is 60 seconds of happiness you will never get back."


Friday, March 20, 2009

Right and Left

I thought I'd know what to do if I get back my marks. And yes, it's calculus test paper which I somehow manage to score 68. I told myself I''ll drop if I get lesser than 60. So what now? Drop or not to drop. Ask for advice from Ms Shanta and she said I'm around C+ but that's not I want!

Right side said:
1. Go for the final. Try your best. Who knows you might somehow squeeze in and got yourself a B- instead?
2. You did quite ok. In terms of scoring higher marks than some of your friends. Maybe you can do that again in the final!
3. Why retake and go all over again? It's not easy to score 16/20 for first question and you sure you're gonna score that again next time?
4. You are not as stupid as you thought you are. And the feeling is telling you to do it in the final.
5. Do the right thing!

Left side said:
1. Even the pro can't score more than 70 in the final and who do you think you are.
2. Go and you'll screw up your physics? You might.
3. Retake and try again next semester.
4. What if you get yourself a C and that's it. You can't change your grade anymore.
5. You might get more than what you have now in next semester because you hold the advantage of knowing the steps.

Sigh. I don't know what to do. Kahwei said, "Don't ask other people whether you should drop because you decide your own future." True enough.

People blame God when they are not in a good situation. I blame God for giving me 68. Why not just let me fail this test so I can retake without thinking that much. He shows me there is some hope. Just have faith in him? I'm not sure as I'm too weak to decide anything. And giving me a 32.5for physics. Indeed, it's great. But somehow just don't feel like myself. LOL.

Kayee: I don't want to give you that 0.5 marks. Because it's not easy to beat you. LOL. Beat you by 0.5 lagi best la. LOL lol.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

D-day

Tomorrow is D-day! Where I've already know what I'd do if I get back the paper. No matter what the marks would be. Above 60 would be great. But it's unlikely to happen. It might happen though. Just like how I did my physics test. LOL.

Let's talk about TODAY rather than D-DAY. It was probably the best feeling. I knew today would be a stressful day. Getting back REL200 test paper early in the morning, will have an impact on my physics test later on. Eric Lee said that 4 of us scored 80 and above, highest is 88. I knew I'm one of them and bam! 87! No one remembers the second best lah.. This result kinda motivate me to do well in physics. I put a bit of effort. Thanks to KUAHKAYEE for her tutorials solutions! Assisted me in some ways though. HAHA.

I said to myself, if this time I don't score at least 30/40 then I'm seriously gone. The test was postponed for 15 minutes, till I don't have the nerves to feel nervous anymore. But doing the test later on was nightmare, even though it's not as bad as doing calculus. I've already calculated how many points I'd lose. It's up to 10 marks and more. Which means 30/40 would be a dream. I came out. Expecting 23-25/40.

Went to gym. Worked out. Knew the results would be out but I tried to escape. Just a moment ago I checked my results online, thanks to Ms Jerry who always marks the papers right after the test, I scored 32.5/40. Happy indeed! LOL.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Middle of the night

I'm still doing my arts term paper. Almost done. Somehow was motivated by Mr Bad when he said few of us are potentially A+ students. Well, I'm ss and I believed I'm one of them. HAHA. A+ not for anything but ART105. How great right?

I don't feel like a science student now. Greatest science results in college is just Chemistry. Both B+ for CHM151 and CHM152. And why the heck I scored A in subjects like English, History, and maybe Arts? I don't know. I wrote a not on "We are not stupid" in Facebook. HAHA.

Everyone is feeling so stress now. I wonder if the Americans feel the same way as well? Or all they do is partying drinking and sex? I'm actually so curious that I'd like to go to the states and see how they study. But they do have smart people as well right? I don't know.

I'm so stress now. Everything is in my mind. Study. Study. And gimme gimme more! Honestly, I think I did quite well in REL200. If I didn't get 80+ I'll feel so damn freaking sad. I did study. And yes, maybe another A for REL200. Sigh. It's not easy to score A because there's no tips you know. We Malaysian like discount and tips!


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

W

I'm so depressed. We all are. But for some of them, or, most of them, getting a 60 or 70 would not cost that much. Unlike me, and, some of my friends, where getting another 60+ will not do any good in your grade. It's almost impossible to bounce back in the final and score a good one, B+.

Sigh. Finally done for the week. Don't feel like studying anymore. I did practice my calculus. Not many but I did all the homework. ALL. And I felt that it doesn't really help. Feel like screaming out loud! Kicking some balls!