Friday, June 12, 2009

A good start doesn't always bring a good ending

I thought I had the best day ever. Well, at least that's what i think. It's a different Friday after all. Class was ok. A very funny yet stupid mistake made by me.

Dr Chan asked, "Anyone got problem? (referring to the exercises)"
Me: "YannHuoy got problem!"
Dr Chan: "If YannHuoy got problem YannHuoy will ask me herself.."

Crap. So memalukan.. Can't blame her.. Must learn more from ThingYan already(good at blaming).

After class went to RedBox with some of my ex schoolmates. With girlfriend along. I think I did well in some of the songs. Had a kiss on my girlfriend's lips. Sweet. Sing some songs to her.

Went to futsal. A pass from the center to the left flank, and then a direct one-touch pass to the right, I was at the right and I hit a nice hard volley. It's a goal. Nice.

Reached home with some tired legs. Saw KFC on the table! Yumm...

Then Yenloo told me TOEFL results are out. My heart beats at its fastest when I logged in to my account. Was expecting something like 90-100/120. Then "pop", it's 88 babeh, which also means, "You're screwed."

I got the lowest among my friends. They got like 93,96,97,102. SIGH. How should I feel? I don't like being a loser. Well, never in my life as a winner yet. I never achieve anything.

Sometimes in the night, I think of ways to end my life. That's how serious my depression level is. But there is still reasons for me to live. My friends love me, I think. My family love me. My girlfriend loves me. And I want to take care of her. That's one of the reason to keep me breathing. I complained. I gossiped. It's not how I should behave. But sometimes I can't take it. I just can't.

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